upset

you dont even act like my boyfriend. yeah, you call me babe. but thats prettty much the only "boyfriend-y" thing you do.
you hang out with your friends all the time. i havent seen you in a week. you cant even talk to me. god. im so fucking stupid.
i hate this.
im not going to talk to you for a few days and see if you care.
tired of this bullshit.

relationship

The point of being in a relationship is to enjoy each others company, is to be there to support each other when they need it most.

yeah..
not my relationship.
fuck.

feelings

i guess i'll keep holding on and see where it takes me.
"some days i feel like shit. some days i wanna quit."

most days, he makes me feel terrible. he makes me feel like shit. he makes me cry. he makes me want to leave. other days, it's perfect. i'm happy. i go to sleep smiling. he makes me want to love him even more.

it is worth holding on to. i know he cares for me. i know he loves me. but he really needs to show it. i realllly love him, but some days aren't as much as other days. i dont know what i'd do if i lost him..

i wish things never changed. i wish we could go back to being who we were several months ago. i wish he knew what he wanted. i wish he could say that he honestly wants to be with me.
i wish he knew what i was giving up.

there are days where idk why im with him. there are days where i wish i never fell in love. how i wish i never met him. but in the end, love conquers all. and i can't change my past.

"Whatever you do in life will be insignificant. But it's very important that you do it."

- Ghandi via "Remember Me"

i watched remember me today. i really liked it, but i was very surprised at the ending.

sooner than later

So can you do me a favor?
If I pull it together
Make it sooner than later
We wont be here forever
And ill realize I waited too long
But please don’t move on
You don’t need no one else
<3

im slowly giving up and idk how to stop.

done

i'm done.
finally.

new me

gonna start being happpy and carefreee :)
+ more patient about things...
sigh.

bye bye bye

wow, fuck this.
i can't believe you.

another night slips away,

in other words, I should say
there are no words, you should say
there are no words.

Today was a good day :) Brandon picked me up from school and we hung out at his house with his friends. It was really nice hanging out with him today because although we don't see each other as often as we like, we still make each other happy (most times). By watching Valentine's Day over the weekend, I realized that loving someone means loving their good and bad traits. He makes me smile, he makes me cry. Some days are like roller coasters, while others are like a desert. He gets really upset every time I mention college, or Eugene. :| I don't know what to do, except that I can't live at home. It's hell. I might go to U of O for 2 years and then transfer to PSU. We'll see how that goes.

I really really love him :) 13 months coming up <33

looking up

i feel like i'm getting better at this everyday.

what to do

i want to have great days.
i want to have unforgettable days.
i want to be happy.

im not.
im not.
im not.

i'm all tears now.

2nd the best

i think it's ridiculous how you ALWAYS put me 2nd. everything you do, it's like im just there. i don't want to be just there anymore. i want you to make me a priority. im tired of you putting others before me when i always put you before everyone else.

what to do

i want to be with you forever.
but if you dont think you can trust me while im in college, then we should just end this.
you said you dont know if you're gonna love me in the future when im gone, and i dont want to be with someone who's doubting their love for me.
that makes no sense.
you want to be with me forever, yet you dont know if you're gonna love me in college.
im getting tired of a lot of things.
everyday you make me cry, most of the time without realizing it.
you tell me you love me all the time, but you dont act like it. i dont get it.
everyday, my reasons for being with you become less + less.
i still love you, but i dont see you loving me.
i dont know why im giving so much to a person who doesn't even show they care.

i think you're better off single.
you wouldnt have to deal with me getting upset at stupid things anymore.
you dont have to always talk to me or have anything to do with me.

i miss who you used to be.
i miss you taking care of your brother.
i miss you getting on aim + IMing me.
i miss you calling me cecilia le cutie monster.
i miss the awkward times we had when we first started liking each other.
i miss the time when you made me cupcakes and failed a bunch of times and had to get the right things for it. i wish i still had the picture.
i miss you, just you.

i dont think you truly care about me anymore. i mean, you say it and sometimes i see it. but its not enough. i dont think im asking for too much. idk. i could be.
if you dont think this is going to work out in the future, the leave me.
it'll be better for the both of us.
you know i love you. i tell you that everyday. i tell you want to be with you for the rest of my life everyday. and you said you believed me.

but now it's up to to you.
what do you really want?