erased.

Dre - Erased

you want to be free
you want to leave me
i can't believe
'cause without you baby i'm incomplete

am i erased?
just a segment of your imagination
i'm feeling replaced
like a faded picture where you can't see my face
I'm scratched out, erased, erased, erased.

currently listening to that song. every song reminds me of brandon. this is getting pathetic. i need a life. i need to move on. why am i dwelling in the past. he says we're seeing each other, but it doesn't seem like it. why am i always sad. why do i always cry. every single thing reminds me of him. i need to be stronger than this.

finals week. fml. haven't studied, dont really care. maybe reading will help. i miss everything about the past. :|

turn to grey.

if letting you go is the only way i can get you back, then alright. if not, then gooodbye. i miss the way you used to love me. i miss the way we used to be months and months ago. i miss how you were home more than you are now and would talk to me. now you're always at your friends house. i hope you figure out what you want soon because im not gonna be here for long. i love you, you love me. i guess only time will tell.

sticks+stones,

done calling/aiming. i stilll love you, but act like you care please.
one minute, things are good, the next.. they're not. life.

picking battles.

things went good today between us. well better at least. i hope things start to get even better. im learning how to pick my battles and not getting upset at everything. startingg to be happy again. :)

trying.

honestly, i dont know why im even doing this. you obviously dont care. you treat like shit. i do soo much for you, it's ridiculous. god. i want to be done already. it's not helping either of us. i still love you, but it's like you dont care.. god. this is soo fucking stupid. i hate this. i hate me. i hate you. i hate everything.

its like you have my wrapped around your finger and i dont even care. this is so messed up. i am such a loser.

letting go.

i really want to let go, but it's so hard.. i thought i was stronger that i actually am. i dont know what to do anymore.

please

someone kill me please.

gone wrong

i'm losing everything i've ever had. idk how i'm even alive right now. it hurts so bad. idk what happened that spiraled everything out of control. there's nothing for me to live for. i cry everyday. i can't choose to be happy. it's not even an option.
i just want to be with you. that's all i want. im so sorry i hurt you.. but i hurt me too. i regret doing that. please.. i dont want to do this without you. i promise, we could happy again. give me a chance.. i can't sleep. this is all that's on my mind. i miss you. i love you and you're all i want. i'll wait for you, but i cant wait forever.

clueless.

some people are such assholes. idk why i even bother.

move along

idk if that was the smartest or the stupidest thing i've ever done. whatever it was, i did it and its over.

f you.

yes you.

giving up.

keeping my mind off that ..

be free.

FLYING SOLO.
first time in a longg time.

so tired

OF BULLSHIT.

great start.

wow. you're an idiot. you don't even care. you make me cry and i'm still there. i don't even know what the hell i'm doing anymore. this is pretty much all for nothing. i'm so tired of everything. i just want it to be over. some people are so fucking stupid. i hate this.

new year, new life.

Just got back home from Hawaiii. It was pretty funn. The guys are sooo cuuute. haha. Like, the dancers from the shows. I wanna move there noww. Maybe. Lol. Everything's been soo ridiculous. I don't even know what to do or think anymore. Things are super confusing and idk what I want. Anyway, school starts in a couple days. I don't wanna goo :((